Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
