if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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