Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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