you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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