My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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