I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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