Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
