Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
