Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
