I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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