By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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