My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize