If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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