This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
