id be glad to
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
