And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
