Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
did i just pee glitter
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
