My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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