New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
