Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
