Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
