I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
