tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
