party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
