and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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