is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
