The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
