There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
