Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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