It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Can I color on your dick again?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
