you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
me + whiskey = a bad person
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
