I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
