if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
