i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
