I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
