So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
