our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
