Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
