This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize