Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You can't special order awesome
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
