He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
