Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
