weddingsv make me drug and hornr
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize