I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
