We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
