Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
