Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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