apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
