everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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