no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
