Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize