I'm gonna have a badass scar
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
