people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
