well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
