Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
