I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
