if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
