so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
