she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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