Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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