Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
