And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Holy sore nipples Batman
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
