yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
