he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize