Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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