is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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