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took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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