allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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